JANICE'S BIRFDAY

I woke up this morning feeling a bit depressed.

A bit more depressed than usual.

I wonder why I woke up so depressed.

I already wake up on the wrong side of the bed I usually do after father jumps in bed with me after he tells me that he's having "nightmares" and can't sleep right.

I looked at the calendar.

I almost cried the emo makeup I had on yesterday off.

It was September 29th.

It was Janice Dullivan's birfday.

I was on the floor crying my eyes out.

It was one of the days of the year that I despise the most right next to Father's birthday and Mother's birthday.

When it's Father's birthday, he wraps me up with a red bow and throws me in the closet to play 2 hours in heaven with him.

When it's Mother's birthday she places a pricetag on me after she beats me and lets a gentlemen borrow me for the evening. I don't know what happens when the gentlemen borrows me because I black out before I do know. Usually when I wake up from it I find 5 catterpiller cacoons right next to me. One of every color of the rainbow and squishy on the inside. Ewwwwwwww.

And don't get me started on mother and father's day. EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

Anyways, it's Janice's birfday.

It's birfday instead of birthday because she's weird like that.

I remember what happened last year I forgot to call it a birfday instead of birthday.

It was at the same time when I forgot it was her birthday. I MEAN BIRFDAY.

She went bezerk.

Her face turned purple and her nappy hair spikes up like father when he sees me.

She kept throwing me down the stairs and up the stairs and across the stairs and upside down the stairs.

And there's alot of stairs at our school.

There are still bloodstains on the staircases.

It's not because the janitors are lazy and don't clean it.

My inbred emo redneck blood mixed with the period blood of the hill billy girls who don't wear underwear or even heard of tampons.

Rumor has it that they use Bounty, because it's the one quicker upper.

Anyways, I had get ready for school.

I had to avoid Janice all day.

If she sees me, she might remember and throw me all over the staircases!

I didn't want no inbred hilly billy period juice all over my new skinny jeans :(.

So then I went on down to boogie town to get Janice a birfday present, in case she sees me and beats the fucking shit out of me for one.

I got her the most favoritest thing in the world for her.

It's an orange ball with strips on it.

She likes to play with it a lot on cement.

I don't know what's so cool about it.

It's just a ball.

I have two balls.

She plays with those two.

But not on cement.

And without my permission sometimes.

So I went to school and guess who was there.

Janice.

She was standing at the front door waiting for me.

I knew she was waiting for me because she had a pissy look on her face.

I used the magic cloak I stole from Larry Botter and tried to get invisible

But I forgot that my emo body odor is strong enough to take down a bullet proof glass.

She sniffed my scent with those huge orange nose of her and she grabbed me and slammed me against the ground.

I can feel her crushing me bones.

My tiny little emo bones.

I told her to get off of me plz yo.

She was like WHERES MY PRSEENT AT YO.

I told her to holdup yo while I go gets it yo.

She got off of me and said aight then yo.

I gave her her present.

She opened it.

It was an orange ball.

Her eyes sparkled for some reason.

It was weird.

Then she hugged me.

She held me really tight and said Thanks Andy its like the most best present evar.

I told her ew get the fuck off of me yous dirty.

Then she did her heyena laugh again.

Oh that heyena laugh.

Then she grabbed my arm really tight and walked up the staircase.

Then she squeezed my arm and said this is going to be the bestest day evar.

I told her yeah.

Then I said Happy birthday Janice.

Then she stopped.

She glared at me with those wanna be asian eyes of hers.

She grabbed me really tight and asked me what did I just say.

I told her happy birthday Janice.

Then I realized what I had done.

I said birthday.

Instead of birfday.

Oh shit.

Then she threw me down the stairs.

And up the stairs.

And across the stairs.

And upsidedown the stairs.